Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
