i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
