I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
