I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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