I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
