whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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