Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
