I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
