talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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