Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
