That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
