i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
