but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
