I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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