Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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