I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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