so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
