he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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