I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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