we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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