they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
