We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
