you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
