sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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