I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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