If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize