you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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