Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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