Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
