don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We talked him into tasing himself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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