She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
