I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
