this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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