good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
