Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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