I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
