Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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