how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
