If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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