He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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