i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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