"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
