but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize