And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
