Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize