Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
