I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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