I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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