you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
