yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
