you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
