She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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