I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
