Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
