How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
