I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
