Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
