we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
