I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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