Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
