college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
