I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
