i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
