As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
