it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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