My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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