you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
