She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
