That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
