My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
