Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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