The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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