legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I understand Curling. That high.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
