So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
