I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
