I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
