Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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